


Marcus Shepard vs The Galaxy (and himself)

by orphan_account



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Renegade Commander Shepard, well kinda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-06-03 17:59:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6620659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marcus Shepard is ruthless and cruel. He's brutal. The ends justify the means, in his eyes. </p><p>Tali doesn't change that. But she is the exception. </p><p> </p><p>Oneshots from before the Crucible, and deleted scenes from my other work, "2000 Light Years from Home." Tags will be added as they apply.<br/>Starts in Mass Effect 2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Miranda thinks she made a mistake.  
> Shepard proves Tali is an exception.

Miranda knew everything about Marcus Shepard. She spent two years rebuilding him. Two years making sure he would act like himself, be himself.

  
And he was a ruthless, brutal, cruel, militant man.

  
Yet she saw a few instances in which he was... kind? He agreed to help his crew out almost as soon as they requested his help.

That could be manipulation though, Miranda was aware of that.

  
But...

  
Miranda ran a hand though her hair and sighed.

  
His actions when recruiting Tali didn't fit with that.

* * *

  
"Shepard. Not that I'm not happy to see you, but you show up at the strangest times. What are you doing here?"

  
Shepard smiled, his eyes lighting up. "I was in the neighbourhood. Thought I'd stop by and see if you needed a hand. Why are you so far out in geth controlled space. It's dangerous, Tali. Even for an expert like yourself."

  
"I'll explain once you get me out of here," Tali replied.

  
Without planning ahead, Shepard charged out, ready to rescue her. Shepard, who planned every attack, strategized every move, charged out.

* * *

 

  
Had she screwed up when she brought him back? Made him reckless?

  
He took risks before, she knew that, but those were in character. This... This was not.

  
Furthermore, he was nice to Tali when they got back on the ship. That wasn't normal. Not for him.

* * *

 

  
"I agree with you, Tali. That's why I wanted you here. I need someone who's not Cerberus. Someone I can trust," he smiled as he spoke. His eyebrows, normally arched and furrowed in anger or thought or frustration, were smooth. He looked genuinely happy.

  
"I still hope you're undercover, and going to blow this place up. If so, I'll lend you a grenade. If not, well. I'm here for you, Shepard. Not Cerberus."

  
Shepard smiled even more at that, before he cleared his throat.  
"Right. Feel free to study the ship, Tali. Make yourself at home."

  
"I'll give her the necessary clearance, then," Jacob said. Shepard glared at him when he spoke, but relaxed when his gaze met Tali's.

"Thanks," Tali said, heading out. "I'll be in engineering if you need me."

  
It was clear that the comment was directed at Shepard, and not her or Jacob.

  
"Hey! Don't forget to introduce yourself to EDI, the ships new AI," Jacob called after her.  
He was met with glares from both Tali and Shepard.

* * *

 

  
She wondered. Feared she had messed something up when she bought him back. Shepard wasn't a hero. He wasn't nice.  
That's why they needed him for this mission. And if she had fucked that up, they could all be dead.


	2. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcus contemplates his feelings for Tali.

“Good game Commander,” Ken said. It was clear he was mourning the loss of his credits.

Tali laughed. “Did Shepard's teasing throw you off your game?” she asked.

“Wait. That pulling rank was bullshit? Damn, good move Commander. You beat me at my own game.”

Tali laughed, and Shepard imagined her face behind the mask. He imagined her smile, her bright eyes, her delicate features. She bumped into him as she walked to her post.

“That was fun,” she said.

“Yeah. You and I should spend more time together,” he suggested.

Tali paused for a second. Shepard could see her eyes (or the light that he assumed were her eyes), and had a strange feeling she was searching his face for something. Finally she nodded.

“I would like that,” she said. A grin slowly spread over Shepard's face.

“Me too.”

* * *

It wasn't until he was in his cabin that night that he really thought about it.

Was it possible she felt something? Was it possible that she felt the same way about him? Kelly thought so, she had said as much.

* * *

“I have the feeling she wants to be more than friends,” Kelly said. Shepard was torn. On one hand he wanted to shut the conversation down before his feelings came to light. On another hand he wanted to admit that he hoped there was something there. Maybe Kelly would help him start that conversation with Tali.

In the end he opted to ask her why she thought that.

“It's in her body language. The way she turns to you when you enter the room. The way she watches your movements,” she paused for a moment. “Quarian's make me sad. Their suits are so beautiful, but they're trapped inside. I wonder what their faces look like. What their skin feels like under their suits,” she sent a knowing smile at him, but his heart felt cold.

* * *

Even if she did feel the same way, was it worth it? What if he could never see her face, never feel her skin? What if he could and it killed her? Would it be better to love someone, be with someone, but be trapped outside their suit, while they're stuck on the inside? Would it be better to love her, to be with her, to feel her skin and see her face, only for it to kill her? Would it be less painful to call her his friend while his heart nearly stopped when she walked into the room?

He laid out the facts in his head.

_One: I, Marcus Shepard, have feelings for Tali'Zorah vas Normandy._

_Two: It seems likely these feelings are mutual._

_Three: I have no clue what to do with facts one and two._


	3. Shore Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard has more important things to do than go on shore leave.

Shepard knew he was in trouble. He knew it as soon as Traynor said Hackett was on the com. He also knew he didn't care.

“Shepard. Did you not get my message about shore leave?” the Admiral demanded.

“No, I got it sir,” Shepard responded.

“Then why the hell are you flying out to deal with the quarians? The war will still be here once your ship is repaired,” Hackett said. He was angry, and Shepard knew it.

“This isn't about the war, sir, not really.”

“Then what is important enough to make you disobey direct orders?” Tali. “You're a spectre, Shepard, but the Normandy needs repairs and you would have to be a fool to ignore that.”

“Admiral, if this were any other race I would dock for shore leave. But this is the quarians.” Shepard paused for a second. “Tali'Zorha. She's been on the Normandy every single time I have had command. I haven't heard from her in a while and I'm worried. Tomorrow is never guaranteed, and during a war with the Reapers? She could die in the next hour and.... I'm going to ask the quarians if they have heard from her.”

“So what is it then Shepard? Is she so good that you want her on the crucible project right away? Will she turn the tide of this war? Nothing you have said has justified or explained your actions, Commander!” Hackett was angry, angrier than Shepard had ever seen.

“No sir, she will not. But I.... I can't do this without her. Without knowing if she's alive or dead. Without telling her...” Shepard trailed off, and suddenly it clicked for the Admiral.

Shepard would be on shore leave right now, but as soon as he said that his next mission was with the quarians he couldn't rest. He had teased Shepard with the possibility of seeing the girl he loved, and during a war like this, it could very well be Shepard's last chance to see her.

Shepard. Hackett was sure the man was pure war. He wasn't sure he had it in him to fall in love. Lust? Yeah he could see it. But love? Well, even Mars loved Venus after all.

But to love a quarian,? To never to see their face, to never touch them for fear of death.... To love a quarian seemed tragic enough. To deny Shepard a chance to get closure on that went beyond tragic.

“Fine,” Hackett said. “But after this busniess with the quarians is done: shore leave. Understood?”

“Yes sir,” Shepard responded.

 


	4. Wait For It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard sings in the shower. Tali reads into it.

Shepard didn’t want to be on shore leave. He wanted to be out fighting reapers and kicking ass. He wanted to be out saving lives, winning back homeworlds. He wanted to get out there and win this stupid war so that he could go to Tali’s homeworld and build her a beautiful goddamn house; one that he wouldn’t blow up. He wanted a life. A life that no longer involved war and death and fighting. A life that didn’t involve the reapers.

  
So no, he didn’t want to be on shore leave. But despite his restlessness and his desire to go out and resume the fight, he had to admit that his apartment was sweet.

  
His favourite part of the entire thing was the shower though. Shepard loved long hot showers. He loved standing under the shower head and letting the hot water roll over his skin. He loved getting out and not being able to see his reflection in the mirror because it was covered in steam. But the thing he loved most about showers? He loved singing in them.

  
It would seem out of character for the brutal and borderline cruel commander Shepard to sing in the shower, but it was a habit he had picked up in his teen years when he was just Marcus Shepard. It was a habit he had yet to break.

  
Of course on the Normandy he didn’t sing in the shower, incase someone heard him. But this was different. This was in his own apartment. With his own sound system.

  
Temptation washed over him in waves and he surrendered himself to it.

  
He turned on the water, as hot as it would go, and flicked on the sound system. The sound track to an older musical came on. It wasn't exactly mind blowing, but it was good enough for him.

* * *

  
Shepard hadn’t answered the door. Tali knew there was probably a perfectly reasonable explanation for this, but her heart refused to see reason. Her heart screamed her worst fears.

  
Which is why Tali let herself into the apartment. It wasn't that weird. She had let herself in before. It was just weird that, well, he hadn't answered when she knocked.

  
Tali took a few steps into the apartment, when she heard it. Music drifted down from the top floor, and she could hear water running.

  
_Showering? With music on?_

  
“Shepard?” she called, experimentally.

  
The music continued, as did the water. Worried, Tali made her way upstairs.

  
And froze outside Shepard's room.

  
_Singing?_

* * *

 

  
So, maybe he had a thing for musicals. 13 tracks in and he was still going strong.

  
Part of this song reminded him of his parents. His life. Dying and leaving no instructions. Just the legacy to protect.

  
Shepard didn't focus on that though. He was too focused on belting out the rest of the song.

  
“ _I'm not standing still_  
_I am laying in wait_  
_Hamilton faces an endless uphill climb_  
_He has something to prove, he has nothing to lose_  
_Hamilton’s pace is relentless, he wastes no time._  
_What is it like in his shoes?_  
_Hamilton doesn't hesitate_  
_He exhibits no restraint._  
_He takes and he takes and he takes_  
_and he keeps winning anyway._  
_He changes the game._  
_He plays and he raises the stakes._  
_And if there's a reason_  
_he seems to thrive when so few survive,_  
_then Goddamnit-_ ” the music shut off abruptly, causing Shepard to jump.

  
“It's me,” Tali called. “I heart you singing. I didn't think you'd appreciate me listening to it, so I just shut the music off. Sorry.”

  
Shepard thought she sounded a bit shaken.

* * *

 

  
“So what were you singing?” Tali asked. Her and Shepard were curled up on the couch on the lower floor.

  
“Hm? Oh. Just. It's from a musical.”

  
“Yeah? Who's Hamilton?” Tali asked.

  
“Alexander Hamilton. He was a founding father of the United States,” Tali looked at him and he could tell she was confused. “A country on Earth. He helped set it up,” Shepard explained.

  
Tali nodded. “Did he die before the reapers attacked?”

  
Shepard laughed at that. “Tali he died in 1804. Over 300 years ago.”  
“Well how was I supposed to know?” Tali resorted. “Do you see yourself in him?”

  
“No. Hamilton was all political and shit. I just wanna kill reapers,” Shepard replied.

  
The two of them fell into comfortable silence, but Tali’s mind raced.

  
_Was Shepard facing an uphill climb? Yes. Did he something to prove? Arguably, yes. None of them had anything to lose, not with the reapers invading. Shepard didn't hesitate, and if he had restraint he didn't show it. And it was true. Shepard took and took, and kept winning. He would change tactics often, and dive in head first to every risky mission he could._

  
Tali wondered how he didn't see himself in this Hamilton guy. Hell, she didn't even know this guy, and she saw him in Shepard.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are not mine. Taken from http://www.themusicallyrics.com/h/351-hamilton-the-musical-lyrics/3694-wait-for-it-lyrics-hamilton-the-musical.html
> 
> Also please don't kill me for Tali comparing Hamilton and Shepard. I don't mean to offend anyone. My friend though the lyrics were fitting and suggested I write a fic including the lyrics


End file.
